A family was riding back home after a party
Hubby : It was a great party (hubby is all happy and high in spirit)
Wife :Yes. It was a great party until they started the “Guess your family’s weight?” What a stupid game… ewwww!!!
Hubby : You still have it in mind .. Oh come on… It was just for fun…
Wife :Ya right.. I challenge Mrs. Khanna to play that game a few months back.. Just because she took up some Kellogg’s Special K challenge and lost all her weight …she is off to tease the other souls who cannot starve themselves…(sigh)
Hubby : Okay.. so whatever… see what I guessed was accurate… it was exactly what it showed on the weighing scale… your guess did not even come near my actual weight… hahaha….
Wife :I felt like killing you for that!!!! … Why did you have to announce my weight out to the public.. at least, you could have taken off few kilos right… now they are all going to think that it is my ‘actual’ weight…
Hubby : Hey, But that is your weight.. When you stood on the weighing scale, it showed the same weight.. so big deal !!!!!…
Wife :No!!!!…that is not my ‘actual’ weight.. you don’t understand.. what about the weight of my clothes, my jewellery and besides my stomach was full after dinner
Hubby : Huh… but that is how I weighed myself?? I am in Denim with this heavy belt…
Wife :That may be the case for you men.. but for us women… we take our weight only early in the morning , with no clothes on ..that too after we have pooped and peed… if we have washed our hair .. we weigh ourselves only once our hair is dry….all that water could add extra pounds you see….
Hubby : Okay.. who else knows about this???…
Wife :What do you mean who else knows about this!!!!… now everyone who came to the party kn…..
Hubby quickly stops her before she could complete…
Hubby : Nooooo.. who else knows about the ritual of women taking their weight early in the morning.. Stark naked??
Wife : Everybody does…the ‘bare ritual’ is universal …
Hubby : Then why did not my ‘sweet’ wife (‘sweet’ in his sense actually meant ‘one who cribs about every damm thing’) remind me of this universal truth….. You know that I have problems with getting the guys in my team to come to office on time.. hmmm… going to put this up as my FB status ‘ A bare truth –unveiled’… (he quickly takes out his smart phone and starts typing with one hand)
Wife :I did not get it.. Sooo????
Hubby : Soooo at least it would inspire my guys to get up early… the thought of all that ‘live weighing session’ going on would make them spring out of their beds… by the time they sneak into our sexy secretary’s apartment and…. ( he mentally calculates the time it would take ) .. yup… that should bring them to office earlier than now… aren’t you proud of your brilliant husband.. (gives himself a pat on the back )
Wife :Hmmmph.. Crazy…
Their three year old was sitting on the back seat of the car listening to all the conversation…
Hubby : Give daddy a high five son.. you are not going to tell this to anybody in your play school okay…
Son : Okay daddy .. Chocolate…. (how simple and innocent !!! if only adults were so easy to manage)
Wife :Ya..and what about his weight… why did you have to announce his weight blankly…
Hubby : Now what… should he also join you in the morning after he has pooped and peed????..
Wife :Nooo.. he is a baby (yup.. for any mother the child is always a baby).. the average weight of a three year old is 14-16 kilos.. he comes much below that…
Wife :But, you know how much was he running around today… he has only been nibbling like a squirrel since afternoon… you should have seen the way all the ladies were glaring at me.. now they will take me as an irresponsible mother.. the least you could have done was at least announce that he was 16 kilos…
Hubby : Okay so let me work that out… taking the weight on the same weighing scale.. I need to subtract 3-4 kilos for my wife, add 3-4 kilos for the kid and take the same weight as shown for myself… is that right ???…
Wife :Finally got some stuff into your empty brain…
The husband chuckles…
Wife :I know that grin of yours.. I know exactly what you are thinking of me…
She starts hitting him with her hand bag…
Hubby : No stop!!! Stop !!!.. I cant see the road.. the kid is watching..
Wife :Then stop smiling.. you are going to get it from me…
She continues hitting him…
Hubby : Hey what is the use of changing channels when there is violence on T.V… he is witnessing live violence….
She stops for a second.. and grasps what he said.. He gets a nice hard whack for that last one…
Ouch!!!!!
Hmmm correct me if i am wrong. This is either not from your heart, I dont think you are someone who is passionate about weight loss or the vanity of staying fit etc ...
ReplyDeleteyou are more of a heart to heart.. "Dear Abby' kind of person! :)
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ReplyDelete@ Makettles : Though I admit I have always wanted to reach at a favorable weight goal…. I have never been able to work it out… the thought of developing some health problems due to unhealthy lifestyle freaks me out.. so more than weight loss it is some disease that traps me for life due to my choices in life.. it is that thought that makes me conscious… this write up however is a mixed feeling of a lot of ladies out there who come in the middle.. they are conscious but may not be vain about weight loss… what to do!!!… it is an era in which we have celebrities like Posh spice who delivered a baby girl and has committed to get back to her normal size in four weeks… We may never try imitating them but somewhere down the lane, it influences the thinking of ladies ….
ReplyDeleteI guess we are 2 different generations. I believe in staying healthy and fit. people who have the means ( such as celebrities) can do all the fancy stuff . think about a common woman. Job, home, family responsibilities, bills, children.. aging parents... and now the pressure of looking like someone who wants to get back to 'normal' size. We all get sucked into this. What i meant was , I started reading your blog because I felt you were writing with your heart. It is awesome and relate-able( is that even a word? :) )This particular blog didn't sound like you.
ReplyDeleteDont get me wrong I have nothing against "normal-sized' women. Again.. what is normal???
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ReplyDelete@Makettles - This is couch potato from the cocktail mix. This particular post "battle of the bulges" was written by agile serenity. Being her friend and someone who knows her really well, I can vouch that agile serenity is all about 'heart'. And this is also smthg she wrote from her heart. But this is not her personal experience. This is just a humorous record of an interesting observation that she made about someone else' life. Nothing autobiographical here. And its also written as a funny piece.. If u cudn't relate to it.. well... as u said, it cud be a thing of generation... The earlier generation took pride in long,straight back hair and ample curves. The present generation likes it all chopped up in layers and coloured in purple(if ur the wilder kind). As 'she pebble' from cocktail party once mentioned, curls are in fashion now. And we are the size zero generation. Yes, its very difficult for a common woman with career and family to make that kind of time to stay fit. But staying slim (am totally against stick-like appearance) makes you 'feel' good. All the trendy clothes available in the market flatter only a slim figure. It feels good to get a compliment from ur husband (I think, longer the number of years ur married, lesser the complimented. Iam not married, but I assume so), adoring glance from a stranger(it is a high!!) and the 'wows' from our girl gang. Its like a feel-good factor. Better than any good massage.He he he.. So, in today's world, its more like a necessity, not a question of vanity...
ReplyDelete2 things I figured even when I read the blog..1. it is not an autobiographical piece.
ReplyDelete2. It did not have the same interest for me as the others ..like falling in love over and over, or about the mother and daugter or the special kid.
Now that I see its written by different people.. it explains the difference in tone.
Oh yeahh!! That might be quite true.. We all have different styles :)
ReplyDelete