Dressed up in different flavours of life, sipping on our apple martinis, sharing some juicy gossips

Tuesday, 5 July 2011

Responses to "Mom, Do you love me?"

Hey energy fountain....

I do feel that like everything else in life, relationships are also prone to change. Any kind of relationship for that matter. Look at all those newly weds coochie cooing all the time, wanting to spend time together always and just cannot take their hands off each other. That is just phase 1.  In phase 2, they become friends, talk mostly about their kids, and fight a lot. In phase 3, they develop a deep bond of understanding, talk very less, but know that the other person is always there. This is not how all marriages are, but lot of good marriages follow this pattern. Same way, relationship between parents and kids, siblings, friends... everything is bound to change... About whats wrong with the girl... it cud be anything from silly to serious... Maybe someone assaulted her sexually, or she witnessed a crime scene.... It could be that she has a huge crush on someone, but don't know what to do about that. It could be just about anything. Mom needs to have an open communication with her daughter. And if tht fails, she should be taken to a therapist....

Lying on the Couch
Couch Potato

Hey Couch Potato....

Something which bothers me is that girls tend to be rebellious at this age and hate parents interfering. But, here things are working in the opposite direction... the mom wants to be left alone...

It is evident that the girl needs treatment. Since the doctors have confirmed that it is not a physical issue, it could be something that is mentally disturbing her.  In our society going to a psychiatrist is frowned upon… There would pesky people who would be waiting to spread gossips about the poor girl. At least the parents need to take her into confidence and arrange for a private counseling.  They need to understand that by holding her hand and being with her, it is in no way going to spoil her confidence but would instead make her a stronger individual.  But this is a typical Indian scenario where MBBS/Engineering /CA is considered the only career options. Her parent’s concern would be that if her mental illness gets exposed, the family name would be shamed and the girl would not get good wedding proposals.  This could be the main reasons why the parents find it hard to accept that the girl needs help.  

Our society needs to treat mental illness on par with other common physical illness. If no effort is taken to reach this level, there will only be an increase in the number of ‘Roshinis’ in our country.
Thinking about the present plight of the girl,
Agile Serenity....
Energy Fountain, Well!!! You seemed to have touched  a very sensitive issue here. Sensitive because of the age factor....At this age her mind keeps wandering without focus and she seems to be a person lacking focus...but the issue here is something else...Years of strained relationship between her parents and her have resulted in this scenario..If her parents were open with her and if she also had tried to put her heart on her sleeve then they would have had some inkling about her state and realized that she needs them - physically(touch,caress,tap on the back), Mentally and emotionally....But what if she did give them signs and they failed to understand or were so busy that they didn't bother to understand...Then I must say..It is not Roshni alone...There will plenty like her whose parents fail to understand their children....They force their kids to excel in all just to be at par with their peers...They fail to ask their kids what they want out of life...I strongly feel when parents force their likes and decisions on kids and do not let them take independent decisions then after sometimes kids become so used to following what is told that when they are in a spot and have to take decisions..they will never be able to take one and will keep fretting about it...so unsure!!!...such kids become confused in life...
To cut a long story short..I guess...The mother is the culprit here..oh btw wait a minute...What abt the father...Does he even exist??? or is he a puppet dancing to mom's tunes....The mom should be brought to her senses, told that if she behaves the way she is doing then her daughter will kill herself one day....never know such minds might have suicidal thoughts too....Or mom can mend her ways, spend time with Roshni, brush her fears away and I am sure she will slowly start confiding....

Deeply sympathizing with Roshni
 - She Pebble - 


Yep girls...i guess it could be a mix of things you have said.
Dynamics of relationship do change with time and good ones move on to become better and stronger, but here there is definitely something wrong with the attitude of the mother.

 Whether the father exists, yes he does, though he might not be a puppet dancing to the tune of the mom, probably he also thinks on similar lines. Counselling is definitely frowned up on in India and children are supposed to like and choose  what their parents like. 

When a friend of the mother suggested that a private counselling could be arranged, the mother hesitatingly agreed, but when asked few days later whether she took the daughter there, her response was in negative...ofcourse the "Family name" and finding the groom, all those things were running at the back of her mind, though she would not accept openly. But i wonder what would  remain of the family name if the members do not survive!!!

To what is wrong with the girl is difficult to say, could be that she is bogged down with the expectations her parents have from her...possibly she is scared that she might not live up to the expectations...it can be anything.

Atleast her mom and dad should try having a open communication with her and give her the assurance that come what may we will stand by you, whether you fail or succeed, you will remain dear to us.

Tried helping Roshni, but failed
Energy Fountain


  1. I don't think there is ever a time in a person's life, when he/she does not need a mother's love. I feel very sorry for this Roshni and her mother, because the mother is so afraid of society, she cannot put her daughter first.

  2. True hillgrandmom...most of us give so much importance to society and "what would people say?" that we dont dare to live a simple life, but we dont mind living a life full of pretensions